February 28, 2018: ufology \ yoo-FOL-uh-jee \  noun;

1. The study of unidentified flying objects.

 

The restaurant was nice enough, the server was friendly but not overbearing, and the food had been delicious–Grace had ordered a maple dijon salmon filet that she regretted eating as quickly as she had–the atmosphere was nice too. But her blind date…

“You’d be surprised how many closed-minded people there are out there,” Jason said and flashed her what she had to admit was a beautiful smile. And he was really good looking. From his dirty blonde waves to his piercing blue eyes, no one could have said Jason wasn’t attractive. He even had dimples. And that cleft in his chin that made Grace melt. And his lips. He had perfect lips! But what was coming out of them…

“I mean, there’s so much evidence,” Jason was saying.

Grace moved the last crumbs from her salmon around with her fork and mumbled a non-committal, “mmhmm.”

“And I should know. I’m one of the countries foremost ufologists,” Jason said and practically puffed up with pride.

Grave was about to give him another soft “mmhmm” when the word ‘ufologist’ registered with her and she stopped fiddling with her fork to stare at him with a quirked brow. “You’re a what?”

“A ufologist. I study ufology,” Jason said with another dazzling smile.

Was that a sex thing? Grace wondered, but just stared at him blankly.

“It’s not a sex thing,” Jason said defensively when she just kept staring at him. “Ufology. Like UFOs. Unidentified flying objects. I study them,” he finished quickly.

“Mmmmmmhmmmmmmm,” Grace said as noncommittally as she could manage.

“No, really, it’s completely fascinat–“Jason began, but was cut off by one of the other diners at the table next to them.

“My god!” he said, standing up from his chair so abruptly it fell over with a clatter. “What is that, up there in the sky?”

“It… it looks like a UFO,” another diner said from a different table near the window.

Grace narrowed her eyes suspiciously at Jason. Did he plan this?

“My god!” the first diner said again, and Grace wondered if people actually said that outside of bad science fiction movies. “It looks like it’s headed this way!”

Grace was still staring suspiciously at Jason when he gave her an apologetic look and stood up from the table. “I’d better go take a look.”

“Mmmmhmmmmmmmmm,” Grace said, one eyebrow quirked again and her lips pressed together in a thin line.

She watched as he made his way over to the window, along with several other diners and a good portion of the wait staff. They all peered out the window, and Grace watched as expressions of awe and horror dawned on their faces.

“That can’t be of this world!” one of the waiters exclaimed, staring bug-eyed out the window.

“Calm down everyone, I’m a ufologist,” Jason said authoritatively, and a few people actually breathed a sigh of relief. Grace stared at them in disbelief. He must have planned this.

“Thank goodness!” another waiter replied. “What do you think it could be, doctor…?”

“Hopkins. Dr Jason Hopkins,” Jason replied, and a few of the diners began murmuring to each other as if they recognized the name. “This craft is clearly some kind of saucer, which would suggest to me it’s piloted by aliens we ufologists typically refer to as ‘greys,'” Jason explained.

“Aaaah,” said the waiter as if he understood perfectly.

“Mmmmhmmmmm,” Grace said skeptically, wondering what was wrong with all these people.

“These beings aren’t typically seen in such populated centers though, so I can’t imagine what they’re doing here, unless…” Jason stopped and began stroking his chin thoughtfully. The restaurant was suddenly silent as if everyone were holding their breath, waiting for his next words. But the silence was swiftly broken.

“My god!” the ridiculous diner said again, and Grace rolled her eyes. “The saucer! It’s touching down!”

“Everyone, get away from the windows!” Jason said urgently, and the diners and wait staff began making a beeline for the back of the restaurant. Grace remained in her seat, wondering exactly how Jason had planned something so elaborate and why he would bother for a blind date.

“What do we do, Dr Hopkins?” one of the diners asked, clutching at her pearls. Grace didn’t think she’d ever seen someone actually clutch at their pearls.

“Leave this to me, I believe I can communicate with them,” Jason said, taking a step towards the doors of the restaurant.

Abruptly he stopped and glanced back at Grace, and Grace supposed he must think he looked very heroic, but mostly she thought he just looked stupid. “Grace, please, I’d feel terrible if anything happened to you. Please go with everyone to the kitchens while I handle this.”

“Mmmmmmhmmmm,” Grace said sarcastically, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.

The rest of the diners in the restaurant were busy following Jason’s instructions, scurrying into the kitchen, while Grace wondered exactly how much this had cost Jason. This many actors couldn’t have been cheap. Then again, they weren’t very good actors.

“Grace, please–” Jason said again, but was interrupted as the doors to the restaurant exploded. Before he could say anything more, four diminutive grey beings with impossibly thin limbs and oversized heads made up mostly of two almond shaped eyes burst into the restaurant.

“ÛćðçµŕĦƐŞŞ!” one of the alien creatures yelled, pointing what looked like a bad sci-fi ray gun into the restaurant.

“Mmmmmhmmm,” Grace said, staring flatly at the group of ‘aliens’ wondering exactly where Jason was going with this.

“Please! We mean you no harm!” Jason said, holding his hands up in surrender.

“ƤƀŧěěƦƨƥŏŏ!” the alien said, looking into the restaurant and pointing at Grace.

“No, no!” Jason said, an expression of horror on his face. “Please don’t take her, she an innocent woman!” he protested, moving to stand in the alien’s path.

“Mmmmmhmmm,” Grace said. Innocent. Right.

“ƤƀŧěěƦƨƥŏŏ!” the alien repeated, pointing at Grace. Two of the other aliens pointed their ray guns at Jason and shoved him out of the way, as the other moved towards Grace’s table.

“ƛƢŭĿĿōĜ!” it said, motioning with its gun for Grace to get up.

“Mmmmmmhmmmm,” Grace said, rolling her eyes as she got out of her seat.

“No, please take me instead!” Jason pleaded, but the two aliens jabbed their ray guns into his sides and he didn’t dare make a move towards her.

“ƛƢŭĿĿōĜ!” the alien next to her yelled, jamming its ray gun against her back and motioning towards the restaurant’s entrance.

“Mmmmmhmmmm,” Grace said flatly and began making her way towards the entrance.

Once she exited the restaurant, the alien pointed towards the saucer. “ƔĻƨĕƩŋŋŊ,” it said.

She had to admit, the UFO did look pretty realistic. The lights were pretty cool, and she appreciated the smoke effect. It still seemed like a lot of effort to go to for a first date, but maybe that wasn’t a bad sign after all. Maybe it meant Jason was eccentric and rich.

“ƔĻƨĕƩŋŋŊ!” the alien said again, jabbing her sharply in the ribs.

Grace shot him a perturbed look and entered the craft, glancing back towards the restaurant and waiting for Jason to follow. But he didn’t. He just looked at her helplessly from one of the windows as the other three aliens joined their compatriot in the space craft, and the door closed with a hiss behind them.

They pushed Grace into a seat and took their own as the saucer began to hum, and Grace let out a perturbed sigh, wondering how long it was going to take Jason to burst in and save her and exactly what he would expect from her after he did. Not a sex thing. Right.

But then the humming intensified, and the craft began shaking, and suddenly Grace was being pushed into her chair with a force greater than she had ever experienced before. After a moment, it was over, and the aliens got up and began milling about the cabin. Grace gave them a suspicious look as she stood up and moved towards one of the craft’s windows, expecting to see Jason there grinning at her and giving her a thumb’s up.

What she did not expect to see was the Earth, far below her, on a backdrop of stars and empty space. She didn’t expect to see the moon just beyond it, and beyond that, the Sun, and she didn’t expect them all to start growing smaller and smaller as the ship moved away at impossible speeds.

Grace turned to the four aliens, all now staring at her with their huge, black, almond-shaped eyes, and blinked.

“Wait. Whaaaaaaat?” she asked.

“ŹěđĝęƦƍƍū,” one of the aliens said, and they all laughed.

 

Note: Ufology. What a great word! I think if I had to give this story a title, it would be “Mmmmhmmm” but that’s probably a little too on the nose. Anyway, ufology! Yeah!

Popular with unicorns who enjoy: Word of the Day, Writing by Sara
No Unicorn Magic »